Saturday, July 24, 2021

And Now 11

It's birthday week for our eldest, son, John.   I've written about John a few times in the past.  He's the reason I started this blog.  A few years after he was born, I realized that I wanted to start a blog so that I could share my infertility, my parenting, and my faith stories with others.  I wanted others to know that miracles really do happen every day, and John is proof of that. I wanted to tell the story of what happened before he was born, while I carried him inside me, and what has happened ever since I held him for the first time.  He's the one who changed everything for me and made me want to write it all down. It is his life that is intertwined in so many of my stories.  

I don't write as many stories now as I used to.  I guess in part that is because I feel like I've already told my most important story; the story that needed to be shared about John and how long it took for him to come into our world, and how the first time I held him, I finally, maybe for the first time in my life, knew that God truly loved me, not in some allegorical sense of the word, but real, true love that comes at a price that for so long, I did not want to pay.   

He's eleven now, freshly minted and even closer to the day that I will be letting him go.  I won't be ready, of course.  But if you know my story, you know that I was preparing to let him go from the moment I knew he existed.  He has never felt completely mine, I suppose because he really isn't. He's always been God's child, and his name reflects that.  

Today, John and I are celebrating the beginning of another year for him with some of his favorite things.  A hike, just the two of us, through the forest, looking for chanterelle mushrooms.  He can outpace me now, and I notice that he is all arms and legs, as his body prepares for the growth spurt that will soon have him looking at me eye-to-eye.  While we walk, he talks non-stop about things that I have little understanding of...black holes, rocket boosters, circuits.  He stops only for a moment, to kneel down and touch the plant called Sensitive Plant, watching its fronds fold as his fingers brush across them.  And for a moment, I see the little boy who walked beside me years ago, and learned from me as I showed him this natural phenomenon for the first time. Today, I take pleasure in knowing that he is still delighted by such simple little moments. 

It was when he was almost 5 that I wrote this blog post, on a whim, asking him various questions about himself.  How could that have been 6 years ago?   But for posterity's sake, I am repeating it here again.  Six years later, he's now a child more than half grown, still reminding me that miracles happen every day.

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(age 5/ age 11 answers)

What’s your name? John  / John
When were you born? June / July 2010
Where were you born? Missouri / at a hospital in St. Louis
What’s your favorite food?  Candy! / I like ice-cream a lot.
What’s your favorite color? Blue / Purple
What do you love to do with Mommy? Sleep / Snuggle
What do you love to do with Daddy?  Play drums /  Listen to music together
What do you love to do with Joah?  Hug him and throw him in the air. / Jumping on trampoline
What do you want to be when you are a grown up?  Old. / Own a restaurant and be a scientist
What do you love about your mommy?  Your eyes. / You let me have ice-cream
What do you love about your daddy?  His drums. / He lets me listen to (loud) music on Saturdays
Do you like summer or winter better?  Summer! / Summer
What’s your favorite thing to do outside?  Swimming / Swimming
What’s your favorite thing to do inside?  TV / Read
What’s your favorite prayer?  Angel of God prayer. / Our Father
What scares you most?  Lightning / Thunder & Lightning
What’s your favorite animal?  Zebras / Chickadee
Do you like Christmas or Easter better?  Easter because I get a lot of candy. / Easter because it's longer
What makes you sad?  If Joah is crying and hurt. / Mistreating animals
What makes you happy?  Going places. / Reading
What makes you angry?  Joah biting me. / Getting yelled at.
What is something mommy always says to you?  Go poo poo. / Don't snipe at others.
How old are you?  Four. / Eleven
How old is mommy?  I don’t know.  Twelve? Thirty?  Eighty? / Are you 50?
What are you very good at?  Maybe helping Mommy. / Hiking